Wake Up
by SkarletHrt
Summary: I didn't even know I was sleeping. But I don't even know where I am either. It feels like emptiness...
1. Wake up

**...**

* * *

I can hear a voice. Sometimes it calls my name, sometimes it asks me things and sometimes it just sounds like crying.

_"Wake up..."_

_"Come back..."_

_"Open your eyes..."_

_"Tori... Please..."_

I didn't even know I was sleeping. But I don't even know where I am either. It feels like emptiness, I feel like floating in water. There's no sound, any sound but the voice off and on.

_"Wake up, Tori... Please come back"_

There it is. Who are you, anyway? What am I to you? Why would you want me back? And where am I? You sound so desperate...

_"For fuck's sake, Vega! If you're going to die, then die once and for all! Decide!... If you want to die so badly, then just fucking do it!.. I promise I won't interfere this time but... Do something, anything..."_

I know a girl, she's used to call me that... She hates me and don't care about me, meanwhile I've tried my best to make her like me, since it was sure she would never feel for me what I wished most... The voice sounds really angry today. It hasn't said anything more after that. I'm sorry, it wasn't my intention to upset you or anyone else...

_"I'm sorry... I am so sorry... Please don't die. Please come back... I miss you"_

Huh... I thought she was gone. I think the voice owner is a she, and I think I know her but I can not recall. Am I dying, you say? How? And... And what did you mean you wouldn't interfere?...

_"Hey... It's been a hard week... Sikowitz put on a new play. Cat got the main role... I didn't even auditioned... She sends her hellos and that she would love if you could see her in the play too... I would love if you could see anything. If you could open your eyes..."_

Cat... I remember Cat. She's so sweet and, well, different. I think she'll be great on the play. And you, you must be someone else who was in Sikowitz's class and since the main role was for Cat now I am 100% sure you're a gir but... You could never know with Sikowitz!

_"Hey... Coming from school. Andre wanted to come, but his grandma started to hallucinate again or something... The woman is nuts you know? But don't worry, he might be here later. He'll stay with you tonight since I can't. I have this huge pile of undone homework due for tomorrow and it's my last chance to hand it over, according to Lane. He says I am lucky my teachers understood the situation. I say they are all can go far far away."_

Oh, Andre! I miss him... I miss her too. You sounded a lot like her...

_"Hey girl! It's been a while! I'm sorry I haven't been here as much as I wish but it is just kinda hard to see you like this, y'know?... We've been helping to your parents and Trina at home as much as we can. When Beck's reluctant to come too. He is going back to Canada after the summer. He doesn't feel okay with what happened with Jade... They're done, by the way. But I won't say anything more until you open your eyes girl... We all miss you."_

I'm sorry Andre, I forgot everything you said after you mentioned her name...

_"Tori! Tori! Toriiiii!"_

_"Cat! Shut up!"_

_"Oh, I'm sorry... I thought you said she could hear us, but what if she hear us on a low level?"_

_"Cat, don't make me take you out of here..."_

_"Fine, I'll be good... Hey Tori! Guess what? My brother is banned from this hospital, he can never come here. And Jade had to change my last name or the lady on the desk wouldn't let me in..."_

_"And I won't do it again if you don't behave"_

What?

_"Kay... Can I have a juice?"_

_"No"_

_"...please"_

_"Fine, I'll go get it from the vending machine. Do NOT molest her, okay?"_

_"Kaaay"_

Ja... Jade?... What?

_"Ok, she's gone... You know, Tori?... I... I don't know why you did what you did, but I think you were hurting really bad to do that to yourself but... Why?... You hurt us so bad too, doing it... We could have helped, we are your friends! Please, come back. We forgive you, but come back... We miss you, all of us and Jade more than no one. When she's not on the waiting room, she's getting food for your parents and Trina... Imagine Jade and Trina! We help cleaning the house or cooking sometimes... Oh! Robbie says hi! Jade said he couldn't come because she doesn't like him hehe... She's been by your side as much possible since..."_

_"There was no juice Cat, have a cookie"_

_"Okay!"_

_"What were you telling her?"_

_"Nothing!... I am leaving to rehearsal. Have fun! Oh, and if she wakes up call me! Take care Jade!.. See you soon, Tori!"_

_"See you, Cat... Okay then, we were reading Stephen King right? I swear this next chapter is going to blow your mind Tori. It is awesome."_

Jade... It's been Jade all the time. The voice, her voice... I hurt them? What did I do?... Okay then, time to wake up...

Wake up, Tori... Wake up...

_"I miss you..."_

Open your eyes, Victoria Vega! Now! Move!

_"It's been months... They... The doctors... They think you'll never wake up..."_

God damn! Open your eyes, come on! Now!

_"Please wake up, I am begging you Tori..."_

No, please don't cry... Jeez! Where the hell am I? Why can't I move? What did I do that put me here!?

_"I swear... I swear I won't make any questions if you don't want me to, but... Come back... I miss you..."_

I'm so sorry Jade... I can't remember much... I am so sorry I hurt you, I would never do that on purpose please... Don't cry... I'm trying...

_"... I love you... Please... I love you... "_

What did you say?... Do you...

_"Don't leave me... I need you..."_

Forgive me, Jade, for whatever I did that is hurting you so bad... I love you too. I've always have...

* * *

**This is a one shot story based on a tumblr prompt someone sent me. It may have a second part if I think of one. Let me know what you think :)**


	2. I saw red

**xxx**

* * *

I saw red, but I wasn't angry.

I was scared.

_"Fuck!.. Shit!... No! Don't you dare!... Trina!"_

Trina said she was out. She said I could wait in her room.

_"I don't see why you couldn't and I don't want you interrupting my show"_

I made my way to her bedroom, I laid on her bed and plugged my earphones. She was suppose to be out, buying something or just walking. I couldn't hear anything but my music. Almost an hour later I stood. I had waited enough.

As long as my boots landed on the carpet something felt wrong. It was wet... No, it was flooded. Water was coming out of the bathroom. I got in, it smelled weird.

And I saw red.

_"What!? I told you you could wait here so you would not interrupt my~ what? What's going on, the carpet is all wet"_

_"Trina, call an ambulance!"_

I took her out of the bathtub. She was so pale. Her lips were getting purple... Her blood inking the water and floor.

_"Oh my god! What... What happened!? Jade?"_

_"Fucking call an ambulance! I'm... I'll use a bandage and... And try to make her breathe... Keep breathing... Fuck!"_

I found her almost inexistent pulse, pressed her arms and breathed into her lungs... If it ever there had been one, this is not the first kiss I had imagined...

I was wet, I was sticky, I had nausea... and my hands were bloodied.

_"She lost a big amount of blood..."_

_"We lost her for two minutes..."_

_"We did our job, it's time to wait..."_

_"If had been found one minute later, it'd be too late"_

I heard. I heard every word, and I've been coming every day. I had Mrs. Vega thanking me, hugging me and kissing me. If I hadn't had my earphones on, I would had found her before.

It's been a week.

_"Jade? You wanna go home and rest? I'll spend the night with her"_

I nodded. I couldn't talk. Trina offered to take me home. I didn't want to go home.

_"She will be ok, right?... You found her in time, so she has to be ok"_

What if she didn't want to be found? What if I interfered? What if I ruined her plans? Fuck no! I did not. I did the right thing... I did.

_"I looked all over her room... She didn't even left a note... She was going to leave us just like that! And as soon as she wakes up I'm so going to kill her if that's what she wants!"_

_"Pull over, Trina... I'll drive you home"_

_"I don't want to go home"_

_"Then we'll sleep in the car, because neither I do..."_

_"I just don't get... Why?"_

And that's the question. That's the only question.

It's been a month.

_"She was selfish, she didn't think about her family or us"_

Beck

_"Maybe she was hurting too much for something..."_

Cat

_"She's anything but selfish man, she may thought we wouldn't get it if she talked y'know?"_

Andre

_"But... We are her friends... Aren't we?"_

Robbie

_"No, we are not... We always used her. When we needed something she was there. When she needed something, she ended up injured because of us... The gorilla club. The stunt fall. The trip to San Diego. Fucking Yerba..."_

Yeah, that was me.

_"Talk for yourself, Jade. I helped her with the stunt fall"_

_"And you let me go and push her... You tried to kiss her twice and made things weird... I know I am no one to talk but I had to say it. She was... Is our friend. We are not much hers..."_

Something exploded. Confessions were made. I think what explode was me and Beck.

_"So, he's really leaving?"_

_"Yeah. Like I care."_

_"Thank you. For defending her."_

_"I had to... What did your mom ask for?"_

_"Oh, she said anything that is not from the hospital's cafeteria"_

_"This food sucks... Let's go get something from Denny's? My treat"_

_"Oh my god, yes please... I'm sick of this food"_

Imagine me and Trina... I like her now. Whoever says nobody likes her now on, will get my scissors in their face.

It's been five months...

_"I miss you..." _

They said there is no physical reason for it. She does not want to wake up. She doesn't need vital support. She-is-technically-fine.

_"It's been months... They... The doctors... They think you'll never wake up..."_

Her lungs had healed, her brain suffered no damage, her body is fine, she doesn't need anything physically but...

_"Please wake up, I am begging you Tori..."_

If they take off the support she won't make it...

_"I swear... I swear I won't make any questions if you don't want me to, but... Come back... I miss you..."_

She doesn't want to wake up. She's giving up.

_"... I love you... Please... I love you... "_

But she's not waking up. She may never will. That's why she did it in first place I guess.

_"Well then... I... I'm going now, Sally Peaches..."_

And I stand up, looking at her for one last time...

_"I don't think I'll come again, I can't stand it anymore... The ticket I have is one way trip, I better hurry or I'll lose the train!"_

Yeah, I'm mocking her one last time and I make my way out...

_"I don't... I don't talk... Like that"_

* * *

**Well yes. She tried. Now you know what Tori did and why Jade thought she interfered. Someone did the right assumption. There will be a last part. Thanks for the reviews :) **


	3. It just happened

...

...

...

**Day 2**

Doctors and nursers, some were checking my senses, my vitals, my lungs. Some were disconnecting machines and IVs. She just stared at me.

"Tori, do you know where you are?"

"Looks like a hospital"

"Do you know why are you here"

"No, I don't"

"Do you know how much time have you been here?"

'Apparently months' I thought. "No, I don't know"

My family is here, they look happy but concerned... my family and Jade. Where is the rest of them? My friends?

She kept staring at me. Her look is a bit more relaxed now, but she looks scared. I didn't lie about the second question. I don't know why. I don't remember why. Or how. Is not until I see the bandages all around my forearms and I can't think properly, so I just look at them. My mom cries, my dad hugs her and Trina just walks out the room. She's staring at me and I look my bandages and then look at her and tears fall from my eyes, asking her. And she nods.

...

...

...

**Day 3**

They kept me one more day in hospital. "Just to make sure everything's okay" they said. I'm at home now. I'm in my room. My old purple carpet's gone, the new one is the same color, but I know is not the same. They think I wouldn't notice but I don't say anything. My bathroom door is gone, a shower curtain is there instead.

No one has told me anything. I haven't asked anything either. Trina doesn't talk to me, or even look at me. Jade's gone home, or that's what mom said.

I decide to take a bath, but my tub is gone too. A shower will be. And now I'm naked, and now I can see the lines... The long pink marks along my arms... _And I can't help but feel empty. So empty it hurts._ I hurt everybody, I hurt myself and I don't want to do it again but right now _I feel so empty and I don't know why. _

I'm on the floor, holding my knees against my chest and crying.

"Hey... Get up"

Trina. She shuts off the water, wraps me in a towel and makes me stand. She takes me back to the room.

"What happened? What were you doing on the floor?" she asks. I don't know what to say.

"I... I don't know"

"I'm sick and tired of you don't knowing, Tori. I'm sick and tired of not knowing anything myself. I'm your fucking sister! Talk to me! Why!?"

"I'm sorry... I swear I don't know, Trina. I... I was just taking a shower and then I just felt like crying and, and I sat on the floor and did it. _It just happened..._"

"That was not exactly what I was asking..."

"I'm sorry..."

"You should be"

...

...

...

**Day 4**

Jade's here.

"So... You don't remember then. Anything?"

"Not really. I don't remember doing it. I don't remember why. I just... There are pieces in my mind, but I feel like those pieces have nothing to do with the reasons, but with the time I was out"

"What... What do you remember?"

_Your voice_. "Voices... Mom's and dad's, Andre's, Cat's... I don't remember Trina's, Beck's or Robbie's voice... I remember yours"

"Beck never went to see you. He took it way more personal than anybody else... Are you going back to school?"

"I lost half the year. I don't think I can go back and just act like nothing happened. And it's finals. I would fail everything."

"Okay... Do you need something from your locker? I can take it for you"

"Why is Beck leaving?" I caught her off guard.

"I don't know. We are not together anymore since some months ago. He didn't say why".

"Oh. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I?"

"I don't know. Just asking... And how is it my locker is still mine? Months passed. Didn't Trina get my stuff?"

"No, they didn't feel like opening it or giving it to someone else. The had hope you'd be back"

"Did you?"

"Kinda. School got boring without my personal punchbag"

"Oh... Good to know"

"No, I'm sorry I just..."

"It's okay. In fact it'd be weird not getting something like that from you"

"It was out of place... I... Tori, what I did... The way I treated you had to be with..." You swore you wouldn't make questions.

"No! No... It wasn't you. I'm still working on remember with the psychologist but you... This was my fault, okay? Not yours or my family's. Mine. It was my mistake, my choice and I... I need to make it clear before to move on"

"... I had hope. But you were making it harder to keep it. I... I missed you"

"I'm sorry"

She hugs me. She hugs me because she wants to and it feels so great. _And I love her._

...

...

...

**Day 5**

"Tori! Tori! Tori! Tori!"

"Cat! Let go! You're not the only one who wants to hug her"

"No! Wait your turn Andre! I got he first!"

They're here. Excepting Beck. He's gone back to Canada now, or so they told me.

"I'd like to hug her too"

"No! You can shake her hand, Shappiro"

I like it, when she does that. "It's okay, you can hug me Robbie"

"Uh... I better shake your hand"

They're here and they're happy. We talk, we joke, we laugh and someone cries.

"I'm sorry, I just... I keep thinking and I won't ask anything but... I keep thinking what would've happened if Jade hadn't been there..."

"Cat!"

"What?... Jade, you... You found me?"

"I think is time for we to get goin' guys. Cat, Robbie..."

"Yeah, let's go..."

Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me... "Look at me, Jade"

"What?"

"You found me"

"Yeah"

"Why you didn't tell me?"

"Because... What if you... I... Did you really wanted to die? Why did you do it? I mean... I just don't get it. Yes I found you but did you wanted to be found?"

"You swore you would not make any questions!"

Fuck. Fuck. Don't look at me like that.

"And... And you said you didn't remember anything"

... She left. And I feel the emptiness.

"Good job Tori. The only one person who stood by your side besides your family and you push her away."

"Thanks Trina, that helps lots"

"Why are you mad? Because she didn't tell you she found you or because she found you?"

Trina left too... And I... I'm not sure why I'm really mad.

...

...

...

**Night 6**

No one came today. Trina apologized and made pancakes at morning. Mom's started to act like her usual and dad, besides work, it's okay I guess.

I am not, though. My body is okay, my thoughts are not. I smile and laugh and I feel it but then, I just don't. It feels like something is missing in me and I can't do anything about it. It just happens.

-Hey. How are you?-

-Hey. I could ask you the same-

-I'm okay now-

-I'm glad. I'm okay too. What's going on?-

-I just wanted to ask you something. Feel free to don't answer but I need to ask-

-I think I know the question. You should ask her, not me-

-Was it my fault?-

-No. It was mine. I'm sorry I didn't go to see you. I'm sorry for how I acted. Just ask her, I am not the one to talk about it-

-Okay. Thanks. Please take care, Beck. I still see you as my friend and I'm sorry whatever happened, happened-

-It's okay. I should've seen it coming. However you take care and say hi to everyone for me. Maybe I'll see you on holidays.-

_-So, we're good?-_

-Of course. Again I'm sorry I wasn't there. See ya later then :)-

-Thanks Beck. _Bye_-

...

...

...

**Day 7**

"I need to talk with you. All of you"

"Sure honey, what's going on?"

"Okay. Before you say something let me finish okay?"

"Is this going to take you a long time? I reserved a show"

"Maybe. Can you please?"

"Ugh fine."

"I've been trying to remember, and I know you don't want to talk about this anymore but I need to tell you. On therapy, the doc says I'm good and that I should remember soon but I don't remember my reasons whatever they were and all I know till now is, it has nothing to do with you. And I know it and I am 100% about it and Dr. Will agrees that I am. And I need you to know. I love you, all of you.

"Mom, you are the best mom in the world and I know every kid says that about their moms but they're wrong, you are by far the best. You're funny and supportive and you have never, ever done anything wrong with us. You are the best and I love you so much...

"Dad, just like mom you are the very best. Funny, protective, supportive. You always think about us before taking decisions and you've made me and Trina get along better when grounding us. Sometimes it was hell, sometimes it was fun but we always ended with a bigger bond than before. You both are the best parents ever.

"Treen. I know you are the most upset of everyone. And I am so sorry. If I could do anything in my hands to give you a real and acceptable reason I would, 'cause there's nothing I hate most than you not loving me as much as I love you. You are my best friend. In good and wrong you are the person I will always go to. Thanks to you I got into Hollywood Arts and met my friends and nothing of what I got wouldn't had been possible without you. You encouraged me to go back after Jade made my first day hell... You are my hero and I'm sorry I never showed it before but I am saying it now. I am so sorry I hurt you Treen. I love you"

Silence.

"Now you can talk... Please"

"We love you too. And we forgive you"

And I know they do. But I still feel like _something is missing._

-Hey. Can we talk? Please-

-Are you going to stop lying to me?-

-You weren't the most sincere either-

-I had my reasons-

-I had mine too... Please come-

-I can't right now. See you at night-

-Thanks-

...

...

...

**Night 7**

She's here.

"Okay then, talk" she says sitting on my bed.

"Why did Beck leave?"

"Really? That's what you want to talk about?"

"For starters... Just answer me. Was it my fault?"

"No. He left because he wanted to. No one asked him to leave."

"Jade..."

"He lost it. I was with you almost every day and when I wasn't, I was busy doing homework or something else. We fought about it. He wanted to act like if nothing was happening... He said you did what you did in selfishness 'cuz you didn't think about us, about your friends and family and other things. I slapped him and we just were done"

"So, it was my fault"

"No, it was mine... And Beck's. We lost it. _Something was getting missing _since before your thing happened"

"What were you doing here? when you found me"

She sighs. "I don't really know. I just wanted to come and so I did. Trina let me in."

"I'm sorry you had to... See me like that"

"I'm sorry I ruined your plans"

"Jade..."

"Vega"

"I don't know okay? I know the question in your mind and I don't know. I only know _something feels missing_ since I woke up. It's like _I lost something and I don't know what is it!_ And it makes me so mad! I know is not lack of love, I love my family, I love my friends, _**I love you!**_ But something feels wrong! Something feels out of place and I feel like every day I spent without it I get _weaker and weaker.._. I feel sloppy and tired and I just want to lay down and sleep... _I feel like I lost all hope in my life. I just lost it"_

"You can't just lose something like that. Much less you! You the smiley sweet Sally peaches! You can't say you lost hope! Your life is good! You are good! How could you just lost hope?"

"I just said I love you and that's what you have to say? And I can! I did! And _it just happened!"_

"Yes I heard you but that's the stupidest thing. The most emo and depressive thing and coming from you? That's so stupid!"

"_Why do you love me?"_

"What?"

"You told me you love me and need me. Why!"

"You are changing the subject!"

"Tell me why! You were a fucking bully to me, and then you just want to come over to spend time with me? You don't love me, you were just feeling guilty because the way you treated me!"

"Don't! Don't tell me what I feel or not because you don't know! I felt my heart breaking when I found you drowning in your fucking blood! And that wasn't guilt!"

"Then why!"

"I don't know! _It just happened!"_

"Well that's so stupid, isn't it?"

"Fuck you!"

"Very mature, Jade... I just... Can you stay the night please? I don't want to sleep alone"

She stays.

...

...

...

**Day 8**

I see her. She's holding me and I love her. _Her pale skin is warm but I feel cold._ She wakes up and I met those beautiful eyes.

"I'm sorry" I say. "I'm so sorry you love me"

She kisses my forehead. "Good morning for you too"

"I love you"

"And I love you"

"I just want you to know it. _I want you to be aware I do love you, Jade. _And, last night I didn't tell you but, what I did... It had nothing to do with you or anyone else. It just happened"

"I know. I know..."

"Don't forget it"

"I won't. Now, breakfast"

She stays the whole day. But she can't stay the night.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" I ask.

"Whenever you want me to" she says.

"Can I kiss you?"

"Will it be better than the first time?"

"What? What first time?"

"Never mind" she laughs.

And I kiss her, and she kisses me back. _And I feel her love, and I want her to feel mine. And a tear escapes my eye and on more escapes hers. And I feel nothing more but love._

But as soon as we get apart, the emptiness comes back. It never left and it never will. And she has to leave.

"I love you" she says. She waits until I fall asleep and she leaves.

...

...

...

**Night 8**

**[Jade]**

I stayed, but I couldn't stay _with_ her.

"So... Are we... It is now, isn't it?"

"I think it is... I'm sorry"

Trina starts crying. Her mom does as well in silence. Her dad just hold them both.

"Thank you, Jade. Thank you for everything" he says.

"I did it for me. I wanted to feel what would it be like. At least one day"

"I... I thought you were going to stay with her?"

"No, Treen. I just couldn't. Could you?"

"Was she... Was she happy?"

"She was. She fell asleep smiling"

"Were you?" Mrs. Vega asks.

_"The happiest day of my life"_

And we wait. We call her doctor and we wait, because we know it's over. She won't wake up tomorrow. She just won't wake up again. And we accept it. And we love her.

...

...

...

**Day 1**

"We need to talk" the doctor said.

We were happy, but something felt wrong. They said she wouldn't wake up, they said she needed the support. Bt she just woke up, like nothing happened. But the man said it could be something else.

"It happens to some terminal patients. We don't know, we can't know if this is it, but it could take minutes or hours, even days."

"Just tell us what the fuck is it?" Trina says.

"We call it _'the surge'_. A final surge of energy. It depends on the patient. Sometimes they have things to take care of, or fix something. In this case, if she doesn't remember she may have to do that before, well, the end"

"Or it could be not, right?" Trina asks.

"Keep an eye on her. _Her signals, her breathing, her body heat... _Usually, the patients with a surge use their last day or days to _tell the people they love what they feel..._ Then comes the end"

"Is it bad? When it happens..." I ask.

"Sometimes they have problems to breathe, _sometimes they just fall asleep_"

...

...

...

Tori had to make sure we knew she loved us. All of us before she could leave. She didn't even felt it, but we saw the signs. _She was getting absent, she suffocated too fast_ after the first days. Therapy was too easy, because she had nothing to fix with them. It was with us.

Trina noticed her body heat was getting colder. _Her skin was so **cold** the night I spent with her and I knew it._

I told them all. We weren't ready, but we were going to do our best so she could leave as peacefully possible.

I did it for myself. If I was going to have just one day, then I'd better make it the best day of my life, and the best and happier day of hers.

And I think I did, 'cause she fell asleep with a smile, and she fell asleep knowing I loved her.

_She lost hope._ She lost hope and we accepted it.

_It just happens._

And I knew it as soon as she asked me "why do you love me?"

And I tried to think of the day I fell in love with her and I couldn't. The day that came to my mind was the first day I saw her, rubbing Beck. And I know that was not the day, but maybe it was?

The thing is. When that happens, _when you can't remember the exact moment, you think it maybe was there all along._

Maybe I loved her since the first day and I didn't notice. Maybe I loved her even before I met her but I didn't know.

_It just happened. And I'm glad it did._

She lost hope and it just happened. _It just fucking happened_ and I know it just happened and even if I would have wanted to do something I could have not.

Don't tell me, you can't feel or stop feeling just because. You can and I know it. Tori knew it. _It fucking happens._

_**It just happens.**_

* * *

**.**

**.**

**.**

**Well, I know some of you are going to hate me but this was the idea since the beginning. I wish I could have make it different but I would have suffer knowing it was changed. I hope you don't hate me guys.**


End file.
